Kevin Everett

Compliments of Bionic Trey

ArenaBowl XXI

Baby...at a Liquor Store!

Another sign of the downfall of mankind. On the way back from a delicious sushi lunch at the Amura in Lake Mary, The Asian Beaver and I noticed a white Explorer weaving in and out of traffic and approaching from behind quickly. Basically, this person was driving like a dick. Suddenly, the White Explorer zoomed into the middle lane, passing us on the left (we were in the right lane, preparing to turn) and quickly slammed on the brakes to make an abrupt right turn into the Discount Liquor Store, where you can buy Playboy Magazines, as well as an assortment of liquor and tobacco products.

What's interesting and sad about this was the back hatch of the SUV was open and peering out at us was what looked to be a 1 year old baby, strapped into a car seat. The driver, a female wearing the classiest light colored jeans you can buy at Walmart, stepped out of the car and disappeared into the liquor store.

A couple of things:

1. Why the fuck is this white trash whore, exceeding the speed limit by at least 20mph, zooming in and out of traffic, with a newborn baby in the back?!?!?!?!?

2. The liquor store? The fucking liquor store? Is that where you were in a hurry to get too? Is there a sale on MadDog 20/20 that ends at 1pm? Do you need liquor that bad and that quickly, that you need to endanger your child and every other person on the road?

3. Leaving the child in the hot sun in the car while you went in to buy your pack of smokes and whatever alcoholic beverage you just HAD to have. Give me a break.

There needs to be limitations on breeding and Sanford might make for a great test market.

Asian Beaver saying Goodbye.

Seeing as this Friday is my last day, do I get to be a part of this "happenin' place" still?

Hot Dog Arthritis

Takeru Kobayashi of Japan, the hot-dog eating champ of New York City's Coney Island, may be out of commission for next week's annual July 4th contest.

The six-time winner, 29 (and, despite his yearly high-fat and sodium and carbohydrate gorge, a svelte 165 lbs.), has been diagnosed with arthritis of the jaw, he writes ruefully on his Web site, where he says: "My jaw refused to fight anymore ... [it] has abandoned the frontline."

According to Kobayashi's message, "Already I can't open my jaws more than just a little bit. There's no pain only if I open my mouth about enough for one finger. More than that is painful and I can't open it."

His situation puts a big question mark over whether he'll be able to compete to claim his seventh straight Yellow Mustard Belt next Wednesday, in the Independence Day contest sponsored by Nathan's Famous hot dogs. Last year Kobayashi – nicknamed "Tsunami" – won after devouring a then-world record of 53.75 wieners in 12 minutes.

"To tell the truth, I'm desperate about healing completely before the July 4 contest," says Kobayashi, adding that he's already sought treatment from a chiropractor.

Relief is not only at stake here, but pride. Earlier this month in Tempe, Ariz., Joey Chestnut, 23, of San Jose, Calif., beat Kobayashi's world record in a Coney qualifying event, the Southwest Regional Hot Dog Eating Championship at the Arizona Mills Mall, by eating 59.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes, the Associated Press reports.

Perhaps Kobayashi saw this day coming, as his blog also includes some harsh self-criticism. "I feel so ashamed that I didn't hear the alarm bells ringing in my own body," it says. "But with the aim of winning the title and setting a new record in my head, I couldn't stop my training regime so close to the competition."

He also blames himself for training so hard, including his diet of large quantities of cabbage and water to stretch his stomach – and which, he also says, rendered his mouth all but paralyzed.

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